I just put my holiday flannel sheets on my bed. It's like sleeping in a hug.
I'm listening to Christmas music
And I'm drinking a vanilla misto in a holiday Starbucks cup.
I'm not saying I don't appreciate Thanksgiving and am trying to skip over it. I'm just saying I think it deserves to be celebrated in a similar manner.
I love this time of year. It's so cozy. I just want to light candles and fires and sit in a snuggie drinking cider all day!
Showing posts with label Ponderings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ponderings. Show all posts
Chance
I am on my second cup of coffee at 9:30a.
I have been completely tired this week.
This morning I set the alarm for 6am as usual, hit snooze three times.
....then reset it for 7am - and hit snooze three times again.
Do you ever have weeks like that?
On a happy note - E came over last night and we watched "Temple Grandin" - SUCH a good movie. If you have not seen it yet you should. So moving.What a motivating story.
The question/word I am pondering at the moment is CHANCE. How much do you let life dictate itself - taking you where it will and being a willing participant in all of the twists and turns that it brings, and how much do you will it to go where you want it to? Taking chances that scare you and make you hesitant and that you have NO IDEA how it will turn out? I've been thinking a lot lately about love and relationships and....Nepal.
Throughout a lot of my life I have just let relationships develop as they will, not invested a lot of myself into them, perhaps because I am used to being a bit transitional - having people that move in and out of my life. I tell people that are in my life now that "I don't say goodbye" - and it's true. I'm not good at it - and I think I offend people becuase of my lack of emotion. But I've been thinking lately that I have three of the most phenomenal women I have ever met in my life right now - surrounding me - investing in me. And that's something I want to take a chance on - invest in - pursue. Who knows, maybe something really deep and meaningful could come out of that. I don't always like being vulnerable, but as I have begun to open myself up and share the embarrassing or vulnerable things with them - they have also opened up more and the love and grace I have received in return has already been amazingly transformative.
Love is something that has never come easy to me. And perhaps it never will. Running? That comes easy. But what is especially hard is when you care a lot for someone that lives half way across the country....and you hate phones more than most things in life. Moving doesn't quite seem an option. So you wait for life to make more sense.
Nepal is perhaps what occupies most of my minds time. Potential opportunities present themselves - and they are EXACTLY what I have wanted to do with my life, in the country that I love more than life itself. But then the logical questions of finances, language barrier, abilities, etc. pop into my head and the opportunity seems unattainable -- or a bit more foolish to chase after.
When do you let go of logic and logistics and just take a chance? When do you decide you don't watn to follow life anymore but make your life follow you? And how do you know you're making smart choices?
I don't necessarily think there are any right answers to those. But...they are the pondering thoughts of the day.For now I am going to go camping with my girlfriends, enjoy some concerts and save the decisions for another day...
I have been completely tired this week.
This morning I set the alarm for 6am as usual, hit snooze three times.
....then reset it for 7am - and hit snooze three times again.
Do you ever have weeks like that?
On a happy note - E came over last night and we watched "Temple Grandin" - SUCH a good movie. If you have not seen it yet you should. So moving.What a motivating story.
The question/word I am pondering at the moment is CHANCE. How much do you let life dictate itself - taking you where it will and being a willing participant in all of the twists and turns that it brings, and how much do you will it to go where you want it to? Taking chances that scare you and make you hesitant and that you have NO IDEA how it will turn out? I've been thinking a lot lately about love and relationships and....Nepal.
Throughout a lot of my life I have just let relationships develop as they will, not invested a lot of myself into them, perhaps because I am used to being a bit transitional - having people that move in and out of my life. I tell people that are in my life now that "I don't say goodbye" - and it's true. I'm not good at it - and I think I offend people becuase of my lack of emotion. But I've been thinking lately that I have three of the most phenomenal women I have ever met in my life right now - surrounding me - investing in me. And that's something I want to take a chance on - invest in - pursue. Who knows, maybe something really deep and meaningful could come out of that. I don't always like being vulnerable, but as I have begun to open myself up and share the embarrassing or vulnerable things with them - they have also opened up more and the love and grace I have received in return has already been amazingly transformative.
Love is something that has never come easy to me. And perhaps it never will. Running? That comes easy. But what is especially hard is when you care a lot for someone that lives half way across the country....and you hate phones more than most things in life. Moving doesn't quite seem an option. So you wait for life to make more sense.
Nepal is perhaps what occupies most of my minds time. Potential opportunities present themselves - and they are EXACTLY what I have wanted to do with my life, in the country that I love more than life itself. But then the logical questions of finances, language barrier, abilities, etc. pop into my head and the opportunity seems unattainable -- or a bit more foolish to chase after.
When do you let go of logic and logistics and just take a chance? When do you decide you don't watn to follow life anymore but make your life follow you? And how do you know you're making smart choices?
I don't necessarily think there are any right answers to those. But...they are the pondering thoughts of the day.For now I am going to go camping with my girlfriends, enjoy some concerts and save the decisions for another day...
Wrestling Demons
A friend posted a status on facebook asking some of us to comment on Mark 5:1-20. I read it...and these were just a few thoughts that stuck out to me.
I think the saddest part of that passage for me is the fact that the whole society had been binding the man up with chains. No one knew what to do with him. I think there are a lot of people in our own society that we just throw in a corner, or a box, or try to put chains around because their problems are too big and overwhelming - they are burdened by a freaking LEGION of tormentors. I mean, we can handle hunger - give them a meal. We can handle financial difficulty - pay someone's rent for a couple of months.
But what happens when we try to care for our drug addicted or alcoholic family member? The one that continually hurts the family and us? The one that drains all of our emotional and financial resources again and again? There are so many compounding factors facing him or her – we just give up. We want to put a chain around them and forget about it. Leave them to cry out to the sky on their own. But Jesus confronts the demons. He does not let the man wrestle alone. He knows that he is powerless to overcome on his own. The crying out to the sky won’t work. The man needs someone to step into his life and HELP HIM.
Maybe that’s not the point – but I think there are a lot more people around us with demons trying to fight them on their own – shouting into the darkness – and they could use a community to fight alongside them.
hope
I got a new tattoo...
HOPE is such a powerful word. i feel like it so eloquently summarizes the place i find myself on this life journey - especially when it comes to my relationship with god. i am a CAPTIVE of hope. although god does not look anything the way he used to for me, i still find myself hoping that not all is lost, that i can come around again to this place of belief and a relationship that i once had. but this hope is a double-edged sword. it is a battle between waiting for what lies ahead and falling into despair over the fact that it is not yet here. how long must i wait in this desert of a place completely helpless with no direction of where this journey is headed? some days i think i get it - other days i know i will.
a huge influence in his concept and understanding of hope for me came from my favorite poet ladonna witmer. and especially her work "the secrets of falling" - i really encourage you to check it out.
HOPE is such a powerful word. i feel like it so eloquently summarizes the place i find myself on this life journey - especially when it comes to my relationship with god. i am a CAPTIVE of hope. although god does not look anything the way he used to for me, i still find myself hoping that not all is lost, that i can come around again to this place of belief and a relationship that i once had. but this hope is a double-edged sword. it is a battle between waiting for what lies ahead and falling into despair over the fact that it is not yet here. how long must i wait in this desert of a place completely helpless with no direction of where this journey is headed? some days i think i get it - other days i know i will.
a huge influence in his concept and understanding of hope for me came from my favorite poet ladonna witmer. and especially her work "the secrets of falling" - i really encourage you to check it out.
Changes
I have changed a lot since moving to California, going through 5 years of seminary, and learning to live on my own. It is expected that when one graduates from college and moves out on their own - into the world - further removed from their parents - they will make changes in their life.
The problem with me is that I've always been timid about these changes. I hate debating. So when it comes to expressing my views on theology, politics and other hot topics, I tend to shut down and simply not share my views and opinions because of my fear of being scrutinized, judged or looked down upon. It is easier to just remain somewhat vague in all those areas because then you don't offend anyone and everyone is happy. I also (surprisingly) really worry what other people think about me and how they perceive I am living my life. But these convictions and decisions I have come to aren't something I've decided on a whim and I need to realize that I am comfortable with where I am at and that's all that matters.
Because existing that way is no way to live. I want to be free to be myself. And in order to fully be myself I need to be free (and willing!) to speak my mind on the things I think and care about. I am just starting to get better at that - it'll take a while becuase my skin is still growing thicker. But I think I have great ideas, good opinions and a valuable voice. I've gotta realize that it's about time I stop hiding it from other people. They might not always like what I say - but the most important thing is that I be true to myself.
The problem with me is that I've always been timid about these changes. I hate debating. So when it comes to expressing my views on theology, politics and other hot topics, I tend to shut down and simply not share my views and opinions because of my fear of being scrutinized, judged or looked down upon. It is easier to just remain somewhat vague in all those areas because then you don't offend anyone and everyone is happy. I also (surprisingly) really worry what other people think about me and how they perceive I am living my life. But these convictions and decisions I have come to aren't something I've decided on a whim and I need to realize that I am comfortable with where I am at and that's all that matters.
Because existing that way is no way to live. I want to be free to be myself. And in order to fully be myself I need to be free (and willing!) to speak my mind on the things I think and care about. I am just starting to get better at that - it'll take a while becuase my skin is still growing thicker. But I think I have great ideas, good opinions and a valuable voice. I've gotta realize that it's about time I stop hiding it from other people. They might not always like what I say - but the most important thing is that I be true to myself.
Reflection on Seminary
I have been doing a lot of thinking about my time in seminary lately. I don't think I've come anywhere close to the end of debriefing my last five years and what they meant - how they will shape and change the next years of my life - but it's a start.
The thing I keep coming back to is a song. I think music, and art in general, is so powerful for helping you express yourself. The song is "They Weren't There" by Missy Higgins. If I could figure out away to put the song up here for you to listen to, I would. I guess I'll only be able to put the lyrics up and you'll just have to believe me that it's worth a download on iTunes and go get yourself a copy.
Now, I realize that this song was probably written about a boy, but like every good Christian, I have easily applied it to the Lord.
I think it's the chorus that I found resonated so strongly to my seminary experience. I came in so wide-eyed and excited to further study theology. I thought I had a pretty good grasp on things, I was a pretty passionate person. But then it was as if everything I had ever known was ripped right out from under me. I was stripped til I was bare and every pre-conceived idea I ever had blown away. I'm still a passionate person, just not in the same ways - and I've developed a pessimism about things that seems so comfortable yet so foreign.
I am now left standing in this nameless void. I no longer hear or see anything. I know it'll all make sense again one day - but until then, I sit in a place of wondering, and hoping. You see, hope is a double-edged sword. It's hard to stay on the positive side of hope, the one that gets you up in the morning and keeps you pressing on - but I am determined to stay there. I know that this journey is leading somewhere - somewhere great, in fact - I think it's just going to take a little while longer before I figure out how.
The thing I keep coming back to is a song. I think music, and art in general, is so powerful for helping you express yourself. The song is "They Weren't There" by Missy Higgins. If I could figure out away to put the song up here for you to listen to, I would. I guess I'll only be able to put the lyrics up and you'll just have to believe me that it's worth a download on iTunes and go get yourself a copy.
You breathed infinity into my world
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.
Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh,
Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...
But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of
Any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand
And led through fields of naked land
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say "no".
You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,
I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know,
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"
But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...
But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say "no".
Now, I realize that this song was probably written about a boy, but like every good Christian, I have easily applied it to the Lord.
I think it's the chorus that I found resonated so strongly to my seminary experience. I came in so wide-eyed and excited to further study theology. I thought I had a pretty good grasp on things, I was a pretty passionate person. But then it was as if everything I had ever known was ripped right out from under me. I was stripped til I was bare and every pre-conceived idea I ever had blown away. I'm still a passionate person, just not in the same ways - and I've developed a pessimism about things that seems so comfortable yet so foreign.
I am now left standing in this nameless void. I no longer hear or see anything. I know it'll all make sense again one day - but until then, I sit in a place of wondering, and hoping. You see, hope is a double-edged sword. It's hard to stay on the positive side of hope, the one that gets you up in the morning and keeps you pressing on - but I am determined to stay there. I know that this journey is leading somewhere - somewhere great, in fact - I think it's just going to take a little while longer before I figure out how.
Are orphanages really so bad?
I also did a lot of thinking about where is the best place for these children? The orphanage I stayed at was amazing. The couple that runs it are two of the most amazing people you will ever meet. They do their best to love all of these children and create a family atmosphere for them to grow up in. They will tell you themselves that their goal is to get the children out of their orphanage and either back with their families or into other homes. They believe children need to be raised by families. But they also have so many stories of children that end up with families that don’t take the time to understand where they come from, or simply adopt a child because they think it will make their life “more complete.”
There was one child that walked four hours back to the orphanage because he hated his adopted family so much. Every night as he fell asleep he heard his “mom” and “dad” arguing about whether they should keep him or not. They were a couple with no children thinking this was the logical next step – get a child – it would make them feel like a more complete family.
I don’t know how you can take a child away from that – they aren’t harming him in any way physically – or in any way you can really prove. But how is being raised in a family like that better than the love that child would get in the community orphanage home?
And how can we stop situations like this from happening? How can we come up with better screening methods so we are sure that this child’s life will actually be BETTER rather than worse once they get placed into a home?
There were two kids that were adopted while I was staying at the orphanage. They went to go live with a family in Michigan. When the couple came to pick them up it was evident they didn’t speak any Spanish. While this isn’t a prerequisite for adoption, you’d think it’d be something they’d work on when in the process of adopting five Mexican children. I understand the children will be learning English – especially since they are moving to the United States – but since they are already being ripped from everything they know and are comfortable with, isn’t it just an added stress that they won’t be able to communicate with anyone, especially their parents? I guess if I was going to adopt a kid from another country I’d try to learn the language – if I expected him or her to be bilingual I’d expect the same of myself…
We think all the time that orphanages are like "holding cells" for children until we get them to better places. But are we really giving them a better future than an orphanage would? What's the best way to care for children who have been abandoned or abused?
journal
I just spent the last week living at an orphanage in Chihuahua, Mexico. It was awesome – and really difficult. I think I am going to write down some of my thoughts on here. I'll mostly ask a lot of questions. I don’t exactly expect answers, just want to do some thinking and processing. Thanks for walking with me…
Here is one of my journal entries from while I was there:
if I actually stop for a moment to think about where I am and what I’m doing I just start weeping. Who could ever give up these kids? Or fuck up their life so much they would be taken away? How could you look into R*****, E*****, M****, or P****** face and not do everything it took to be able to keep them? And who the HELL are L*** parents that could hurt that sweet boy in that way, or V***** parents hat could kiss that sweet face goodbye forever just because of a simple kidney defect? I don’t understand how messed up the world is sometimes. And the suffering of the cross does not make it any more understandable. Why didn’t Christ suffer so these kids would not have to? Why wasn’t his sacrifice enough? Why are there only TWO people that will give everything to make sure these kids are loved and taken care of? And how do I help when it all overwhelms me so much and I can’t even speak the language well enough to tell these kids how beautiful and special and loved they are…..
Total immersion
I am in Chihuahua, Mexico, right now spending six weeks with my beautiful friend Specca. This is to fulfill my LAST requirement in my MA in Cross-Cultural Studies!
While I am here I am taking about 6 hours of language lessons a day - ALL IN SPANISH. No English allowed. I do think this immersion way of learning really is the best way to learn a language, but it is so HARD. I seriously have no idea what is going on - ever. Yesterday I was ready to go into classes as normal but when I arrived we were headed into the main city square for a tour and shopping. Not a big deal - but everyone else knew the plan for the day and were prepared because they speak Spanish...and the rule is always NO INGLES! So literally the entire morning I just walked around in silence. There was one poor man, Doug, that tried to talk to me a couple of times - but no one else really attempted more than a few phrases because they all know how frustrating it is when I don't understand anything. sigh.
It really made me painfully aware of those that come into our county for better opportunities and have no idea how to speak the language. How frustrating. And so many Americans are just jerks that expect them to learn English perfectly or get out. We are not a very hospitable country. And learning a new language (especially by immersion) is hard. A friend of mine also reminded me about some of the Fuller students that I run into who's English is hard to understand, but back in their home country they were leaders in their church and community, or that that are actually excellent communicators and very intelligent people. That's humbling for me to realize, and a good reminder. Because none of these people here would ever believe that I have two Master's degrees...
I think it's good for me to experience being on the other side. I do enjoy learning compassion for others - but at the same time wish i could just learn it by reading a book :)
While I am here I am taking about 6 hours of language lessons a day - ALL IN SPANISH. No English allowed. I do think this immersion way of learning really is the best way to learn a language, but it is so HARD. I seriously have no idea what is going on - ever. Yesterday I was ready to go into classes as normal but when I arrived we were headed into the main city square for a tour and shopping. Not a big deal - but everyone else knew the plan for the day and were prepared because they speak Spanish...and the rule is always NO INGLES! So literally the entire morning I just walked around in silence. There was one poor man, Doug, that tried to talk to me a couple of times - but no one else really attempted more than a few phrases because they all know how frustrating it is when I don't understand anything. sigh.
It really made me painfully aware of those that come into our county for better opportunities and have no idea how to speak the language. How frustrating. And so many Americans are just jerks that expect them to learn English perfectly or get out. We are not a very hospitable country. And learning a new language (especially by immersion) is hard. A friend of mine also reminded me about some of the Fuller students that I run into who's English is hard to understand, but back in their home country they were leaders in their church and community, or that that are actually excellent communicators and very intelligent people. That's humbling for me to realize, and a good reminder. Because none of these people here would ever believe that I have two Master's degrees...
I think it's good for me to experience being on the other side. I do enjoy learning compassion for others - but at the same time wish i could just learn it by reading a book :)
Kindness to the ungrateful and wicked
Warning: Confused and heretical rant ahead.
There is a text I have been struggling with the last couple days. It comes from the Bible, the book of Luke, chapter 6 verses 35 and 36. It says:
I am okay up through the first sentence, it is logical to me; love your enemies, do good to them, but don’t expect anything in return. I can handle that. I have people I am not a fan of, but I can be polite - okay, I guess that is not loving them, I still have work to do, but I GET it. You want to know why? Because in the book of Psalms I hear David talking about a God that will take revenge for him. We don’t need to seek that for ourselves. God is a righteous God that will make sure justice is served in the end.
But then I read on. I get to the part that says God is “kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” What? I mean, if I really think about it, I am thankful for a God like this. I want to serve a God that is kind and merciful – but if I am completely honest with you, sometimes I don’t think it is fair that God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
I can’t help but think about some of the pimps of the women that I work with. Some of them are the personification of EVIL here on earth. The things they have done to these girls are unimaginable. How am I to be merciful as God is merciful to these individuals when all I feel is anger and rage in my heart for how they have treated another human being?
What about traffickers? What about those who force children into war? What about those who are slave holders? What about corrupt governmental officials that do nothing about all of this? What about these people – WHY is God showing his kindness and mercy to them? ESPECIALLY when they are ungrateful and unwilling to receive it?
I guess, bottom line, I’m a fan of a God that wants (and does) save everyone; a God that is about grace. But I am sure glad that when he gives us texts like the ones above…the kindness and mercy to others is not reliant on my actions. Because I most often lack the ability to love those whom I believe are wicked. I have a hard time overlooking my concern that they experience justice in the end.
There is a text I have been struggling with the last couple days. It comes from the Bible, the book of Luke, chapter 6 verses 35 and 36. It says:
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
I am okay up through the first sentence, it is logical to me; love your enemies, do good to them, but don’t expect anything in return. I can handle that. I have people I am not a fan of, but I can be polite - okay, I guess that is not loving them, I still have work to do, but I GET it. You want to know why? Because in the book of Psalms I hear David talking about a God that will take revenge for him. We don’t need to seek that for ourselves. God is a righteous God that will make sure justice is served in the end.
But then I read on. I get to the part that says God is “kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” What? I mean, if I really think about it, I am thankful for a God like this. I want to serve a God that is kind and merciful – but if I am completely honest with you, sometimes I don’t think it is fair that God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
I can’t help but think about some of the pimps of the women that I work with. Some of them are the personification of EVIL here on earth. The things they have done to these girls are unimaginable. How am I to be merciful as God is merciful to these individuals when all I feel is anger and rage in my heart for how they have treated another human being?
What about traffickers? What about those who force children into war? What about those who are slave holders? What about corrupt governmental officials that do nothing about all of this? What about these people – WHY is God showing his kindness and mercy to them? ESPECIALLY when they are ungrateful and unwilling to receive it?
I guess, bottom line, I’m a fan of a God that wants (and does) save everyone; a God that is about grace. But I am sure glad that when he gives us texts like the ones above…the kindness and mercy to others is not reliant on my actions. Because I most often lack the ability to love those whom I believe are wicked. I have a hard time overlooking my concern that they experience justice in the end.
Some thought-provoking images
I was reading through some other blogs today and came across some rather interesting images that made me pause. I do not know this blogger, but I believe many of you who read this blog do - so perhaps you have seen them already, but if not, take pause and reflect. The original images were found HERE.
A laughingstock
"Mom, we're a laughingstock. We die a laughingstock."Please read these thoughtful words written by my roommate on the above quote.
-- Allan Nerutanga, as he died in Zimbabwe's cholera outbreak, grieving that he would never rescue his parents from poverty.
What do we do in the face of something so huge...and yet so manageable? How do we restore those with a marred identity and loss of dignity, bring about change and empower the sick?
The Tension of Worldview
I am taking a course right now called "Poverty and Development" at Fuller with Bryant Myers. Brilliant brilliant man. Seriously. It is a wonderful class. But in all of its wonderfulness - it is pissing me off. I don't quite know if I can bite off what he is throwing at me - grasp what he is saying - and walk the tight rope wire of tension he is setting up.
Worldview is something we constantly have to deal with in whatever type of work we do. We first have to deal with whatever type of worldview we come into different situations with, understanding we have been raised and conditioned in certain ways - I think what I think because of the "glasses" I have been given to wear. How much of that is Biblical and how much of it is just the existential influences battling for attention?
Secondly, we deal with the worldview of others we come in contact with. This can range all over the board. In the Eastern world people are far more spiritual then we in the West tend to be. Much of life happenings tend to be spirit related - my child got sick because the spirits were angry, or my family sinned, etc. Whereas we believe it is caused by germs, bacteria, the fact that you were exposed to toxic pollution or picking through garbage. Or in other countries women are not valued as highly as men and using more physical means to force them into submission is not seen as cruel and wrong - it is a matter of cultural worldview.
When entering into these different situations where do you draw the line of changing a cultural worldview or simply speaking the language you are entering into? If a child is sick from picking through trash but a mother won't let him take medication because she believes it is spirit related and the medication will anger the gods how do you then convince the mother?
I tend to lean on the side of honoring culture and worldview - why bring our "better" Western ideas into this beautifully functioning culture thinking we can create systems and fix everything? Why not enter into their own mindset, speak their language, and see if what we have can fit in to their already growing history and story.
But then I see faults with this. I would believe this when it comes to getting a child his or her medication - simply tell a mother the medication has special power to chase away evil spirits - speak a language she will understand. But when it comes to a woman being beaten or abused I am not so comfortable with taking my time, following the traditional worldview and patiently living within the current system - I WANT CHANGE, this is wrong!
So how do you walk this tension? How do you decide when culture wins and when you need to push harder? Is it lying and dishonest if you try and speak a different cultural language you don't necessarily buy into?
And where does God fit into all of this? Our perception of him doesn't always translate easily to these different cultures. We have to create a new language...more on this later.
Worldview is something we constantly have to deal with in whatever type of work we do. We first have to deal with whatever type of worldview we come into different situations with, understanding we have been raised and conditioned in certain ways - I think what I think because of the "glasses" I have been given to wear. How much of that is Biblical and how much of it is just the existential influences battling for attention?
Secondly, we deal with the worldview of others we come in contact with. This can range all over the board. In the Eastern world people are far more spiritual then we in the West tend to be. Much of life happenings tend to be spirit related - my child got sick because the spirits were angry, or my family sinned, etc. Whereas we believe it is caused by germs, bacteria, the fact that you were exposed to toxic pollution or picking through garbage. Or in other countries women are not valued as highly as men and using more physical means to force them into submission is not seen as cruel and wrong - it is a matter of cultural worldview.
When entering into these different situations where do you draw the line of changing a cultural worldview or simply speaking the language you are entering into? If a child is sick from picking through trash but a mother won't let him take medication because she believes it is spirit related and the medication will anger the gods how do you then convince the mother?
I tend to lean on the side of honoring culture and worldview - why bring our "better" Western ideas into this beautifully functioning culture thinking we can create systems and fix everything? Why not enter into their own mindset, speak their language, and see if what we have can fit in to their already growing history and story.
But then I see faults with this. I would believe this when it comes to getting a child his or her medication - simply tell a mother the medication has special power to chase away evil spirits - speak a language she will understand. But when it comes to a woman being beaten or abused I am not so comfortable with taking my time, following the traditional worldview and patiently living within the current system - I WANT CHANGE, this is wrong!
So how do you walk this tension? How do you decide when culture wins and when you need to push harder? Is it lying and dishonest if you try and speak a different cultural language you don't necessarily buy into?
And where does God fit into all of this? Our perception of him doesn't always translate easily to these different cultures. We have to create a new language...more on this later.
Empower Them
“Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.” – Mark 10.14Children have rights and as such they have the need to be empowered so that they can express and demonstrate those rights.
Empower [em-pou-er] –verb (used with object):
1. To give power or authority to; authorize, esp. by legal or official means.
2. To enable or permit.
One of the greatest needs we see in children today is their need for empowerment. While it is great to have foreign workers go into a place and do their best to work with the natives to changes lives and get children out of bad situations; unless the children are making these choices for themselves many times they will slip right back into those same patterns of life. It does not matter who the child is or what kind of situation they come from; many of these “at risk” situations do seem to have their perks for the children when they are in the midst of it. For child prostitution they are able to make more money with their lack of skill and education than they ever could otherwise. They can fulfill the pressure that is put upon them by their families to provide. Street children find security in their street buddies; they enjoy the freedom that they have found and safety from the abuse many of them experience at home. Tobias Hecht in talking about the street children of Brazil speaks of “the addictive power of street life itself” which is an important concept to keep in mind when advocating for children no matter what context they are in. Often times the risk situations they find themselves in are difficult to pull out of. They begin to think this is the best that exists for them and they get comfortable because it is familiar to them. Going in and simply telling them what to do, whether it is more beneficial for them or not, without giving them a choice is not the answer.
One of the major problems organizations face is a society that doesn’t believe these children can change; a society that has taken away what little self-esteem they once had. We must seek to give this back to them, to put the power of choice and freedom back into the hands of these boys and girls. They are worth something, they can make a change in their lives; they just need to make the decision to do it. Once that decision is made, organizations can be there for them to walk alongside them in the healing and restoration process.
In the Bible there are more than five hundred references to children, about half of which are literal. Jesus keeps children at the forefront of his mind – knowing that they are weak and vulnerable. In Deuteronomy 1.39 it says, “And as for your little ones, who you thought would become booty, your children, who today do not yet know right from wrong, they shall enter there; to them I will give it, and they shall take possession of it.” God keeps children on his mind being sure that he takes care of their needs even when those around them, who should be taking care of them, don’t. He empowers them with what they need in order to survive and thrive. God also put children in an exalted place among other adults when using them as examples. In Matthew 18.2-4 it says, “He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” The child was empowered and told they had the key to salvation and success in the kingdom of Heaven.
“Children are in need of knowledge. Ignorant of good and evil, among other things, they need to learn” but there is a correct way of going about this. Too often children are talked about or around rather than talked to. Or all too often, even if they are talked to it is in a manipulative way. Dr. Bryant Myers told listeners at a Missiology Lecture at Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, CA, that $20 billion each year is spent on advertisements targeted toward children. This adds up to around 40,000 commercials annually. It is guessed that around $500 million annually of family spending is decided on the basis of children’s influence. They can and do have a good sense about where they have been and where they would like to be or go. It is very life-giving and empowering of a child to consult them and listen to their ideas for rehabilitation. But we must also be a wise and guiding model for them.
This topic becomes especially important when dealing with advocacy for children in difficult situations. There are times when speaking for children and attempting to relieve them of their pain we end up doing more harm when we do not consult them first on what is in their best interest. Hecht reminds us “first you must work on the child, reconstruct the universe that the child lost, you can’t forget that the child has the right to be a child.” Panther-Brick in Abandoned Children lets us know that children “find their own strategies both to provide support and to elicit it from others” Children themselves are the best resource and insight we have into their needs so need to take time to listen to them and the implement what we learn.
Glenn Miles and Josephine-Joy Wright speak of advocacy in their book Celebrating Children. According to them the important things to remember are “learning from other groups that have experience in this area” so you are not shooting in the dark and repeating mistakes that were made before. Another important aspect of advocacy is “being involved in community, national and regional activities to lobby government, police and others for better child protection laws, procedures, and so on.” If you do not get the government on your side it will be a long and hard road ahead. They also say you want to focus time and attention on training persons who will be involved in the advocacy and be intentional about networking with others. And throughout all advocacy work Miles and Wright say it is important to keep a child’s confidentiality in mind.
“Jesus placed special importance on receiving with kindness and hospitality the least important members of society: children.” This seems to be the sense underlying Mark 9.33-37. “Jesus is encountered and helped when the child, who is the least of humans, is encountered and helped.” Jesus uses the example of children saying, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me,” implying that a choice needs to be made. Children are capable, and empowered, to make this decision welcoming God and bringing about the kingdom. The mission of God is in need of children and they are vital to the message and success of Christ and his kingdom.
In order to best utilize children in the mission of God you need to start from a relational foundation. Unless there is a relationship of trust, care, and listening as the foundation of advocacy minimal fruit will ever be seen. These children need a trusted individual in their lives to listen to them, to let them know God weeps with them hating what has been done to them, and to assure them justice will be done on their behalf; if not by government officials then by the Lord.
Making a Difference
I saw this bumper sticker on a car the other day – and I didn’t really know what to think of it. I just didn’t know what my initial reaction should be. Part of me wanted to say “um…no. There is so much more you have to do in order to make a difference. You can’t just throw money at a problem or an issues and think that’s going to make it better.” But then as I walked a bit further down the street and thought about it some more I think I was a bit too quick to judge. Sometimes that’s where someone is – the place they are in life – where they can make a difference.
I remember when I was traveling overseas quite often – about every summer or every other – and I was raising support to do this. There were quite a few times when I struggled asking the same people for money over and over again, I felt like I was becoming a burden to them. I will never forget when one of my supporters gave me some of the most encouraging words that will always stick with me:
“Julia, you are at a place in your life when you can just up and go and do these amazing things. We are not in a place where that is as feasible for us. My job and family requirements keep me from doing that. But your asking me for support allows me to join in the work that God is doing even though I can’t go over there and do it myself. If you don’t ask me – you deprive me from being able to be apart of the work that God is doing.”
Wow. What a cool view. People can always say no – but they can always say yes. Sure…they might feel guilt and no one likes to feel that – but I tend to think that guilt is someone’s own issues and maybe guilt isn’t a bad place to start, but it should never end there.
But then as I thought MORE about it I wasn’t satisfied settling there. Sure, giving a donation does make a difference – it does play into the work that God is doing – but we need to be willing to go further then that. We need to be willing to take that next step and get involved, get our hands dirty and become an activist in Kingdom work. God won’t call us all to go to Nepal or walk the streets of LA at three o’clock in the morning, but he does call us all to do something – and quite often it requires a bit more then writing a check. It might start there, but I have a feeling it won’t stop there. So, if finances are a resource that you have of which you can freely give – DO! But keep your eyes and hearts open for the next step God calls you to take to make a difference.
When Parents Meet Our Passions
As I continue to research and study sexual exploitation - God continues to expand my heart in ways I didn't know possible. He continues to open up doors and ways for me to get involved. Whether it be contacts and new friends in Nepal or the After Hours Ministry here in L.A., it has been so life-giving. Sometimes in Seminary you can feel like such a waste of space - too much learning and not enough applying and doing. My heart just explodes with overwhelming love for those caught up in the sex industry. Sometimes it is hard to put into words the incredible passion God has given me. And sometimes it is hard to find enough action to put into practice the incredible passion God has given me. But daily I surrender and trust that He is leading me.
A couple weeks ago I got inked. That's right. With a message that I think is quite powerful and really portrays what I am all about. The entire reason I exist and am on this planet.
My mom is not a huge fan of tattoos. But she is a huge fan of me. This is my second tattoo and I knew that telling her about it was not going to be easy. I was right...she was not that happy. I told her a bit about it and then sent her the above photo. This was her response:
"Makes me proud of your passion Julia. You are really in this all the way aren't you? Tears are running down my cheeks as I think of you and your future. Fear of what your future might hold as well as excitement of what changes you may make in lives through your work. My heart is full of graditude to God for a child like you. Go and make a difference Julia, tattoo and all, you have my blessing."
I can't even begin to express what a gift that email was from my mom. She gets it. She might be a different generation - and she might do it differently - but she is entering into my heart and my passions and she gets it. I would not be the person I am today, I would not have a heart for the things that break the heart of God, if it were not for my parents. They are the ones who (for better or worse) gave me the chance to see the world beyond myself and experience a God who doesn't always fit so nicely inside the four walls of our Midwestern mindset. And I'll never be the same.
And they'll be beside me the whole way...
I love you mom.
A couple weeks ago I got inked. That's right. With a message that I think is quite powerful and really portrays what I am all about. The entire reason I exist and am on this planet.
My mom is not a huge fan of tattoos. But she is a huge fan of me. This is my second tattoo and I knew that telling her about it was not going to be easy. I was right...she was not that happy. I told her a bit about it and then sent her the above photo. This was her response:
"Makes me proud of your passion Julia. You are really in this all the way aren't you? Tears are running down my cheeks as I think of you and your future. Fear of what your future might hold as well as excitement of what changes you may make in lives through your work. My heart is full of graditude to God for a child like you. Go and make a difference Julia, tattoo and all, you have my blessing."
I can't even begin to express what a gift that email was from my mom. She gets it. She might be a different generation - and she might do it differently - but she is entering into my heart and my passions and she gets it. I would not be the person I am today, I would not have a heart for the things that break the heart of God, if it were not for my parents. They are the ones who (for better or worse) gave me the chance to see the world beyond myself and experience a God who doesn't always fit so nicely inside the four walls of our Midwestern mindset. And I'll never be the same.
And they'll be beside me the whole way...
I love you mom.
Hindu to Christian
I am editing a friend's Masters Thesis for him. He is from Nepal but has come to the states for a couple of years to work on his ThM. The title is "An Analysis of the Idea of the Atonement in Hinduism in the Light of Christianity." It is actually quite fascinating. I came across this one section in his paper that I thought was especially probing...
"Does it really make much of a difference when a Nepali Hindu becomes a Christian? Both believe in doing good works, even in loving one’s neighbors; it’s just a question of motive. Hindus accumulate merit from their good deeds to counterbalance their bad deeds. Christians says that a life full of good deeds cannot outweigh even a single sin. We must first seek forgiveness from God relying on his mercy shown to us through his son, Jesus Christ. Then, once forgiven, he enables us to do good out of thankfulness and love for him who died for us."
To someone looking in from the outside - what's the difference? Why is the change necessary?
"Does it really make much of a difference when a Nepali Hindu becomes a Christian? Both believe in doing good works, even in loving one’s neighbors; it’s just a question of motive. Hindus accumulate merit from their good deeds to counterbalance their bad deeds. Christians says that a life full of good deeds cannot outweigh even a single sin. We must first seek forgiveness from God relying on his mercy shown to us through his son, Jesus Christ. Then, once forgiven, he enables us to do good out of thankfulness and love for him who died for us."
To someone looking in from the outside - what's the difference? Why is the change necessary?
Travel
I am sitting at LAX airport right now – thinking about the movie “Trade” and Nepal and girls I have met and books I have read. Thinking about the current state of the sex market and how things are shifting. The traffickers are always just one step ahead. They are entrepreneurs at their best. They have a great product and know how to market it in many different arenas.
As I boarded the Flyaway bus to get to LAX there was a young girl that didn’t speak any English that got on with me. A man who didn’t look a whole lot older dropped her off. I hope he was her brother, or boyfriend, or trusted best friend – but I can’t be sure. And even if he was, I can’t be comforted. She held one small bag and a paper with ?directions? on them. I don’t know what was on the paper but she was sent somewhere alone and it looked like she was told she would be taken care of when she got there. I can’t help but wonder how much goes on right under our noses. Maybe that was just her brother and she was just going to visit some family or do something else fun – but how can I be sure?
There are signs you can look for, sure. But it is difficult when your time is so limited. And it is frustrating beyond all get out when you cannot communicate with a girl that you have suspicions about because of language barriers. Although I obviously would not have asked her straight out if she was being trafficked or sexually exploited – there are other questions you can ask around that issue that will get you the answers you are looking for. The clues and the pieces to the puzzle – that they might not even know they are giving you.
And so I sit her at LAX looking at all the young boys and girls traveling alone – or with a quite older companion. And I wonder. What can be done? When is suspicion good? When is it offensive or over the top? And why have we come to a place in a world where we have to suspect a father traveling with his adolescent daughter…
As I boarded the Flyaway bus to get to LAX there was a young girl that didn’t speak any English that got on with me. A man who didn’t look a whole lot older dropped her off. I hope he was her brother, or boyfriend, or trusted best friend – but I can’t be sure. And even if he was, I can’t be comforted. She held one small bag and a paper with ?directions? on them. I don’t know what was on the paper but she was sent somewhere alone and it looked like she was told she would be taken care of when she got there. I can’t help but wonder how much goes on right under our noses. Maybe that was just her brother and she was just going to visit some family or do something else fun – but how can I be sure?
There are signs you can look for, sure. But it is difficult when your time is so limited. And it is frustrating beyond all get out when you cannot communicate with a girl that you have suspicions about because of language barriers. Although I obviously would not have asked her straight out if she was being trafficked or sexually exploited – there are other questions you can ask around that issue that will get you the answers you are looking for. The clues and the pieces to the puzzle – that they might not even know they are giving you.
And so I sit her at LAX looking at all the young boys and girls traveling alone – or with a quite older companion. And I wonder. What can be done? When is suspicion good? When is it offensive or over the top? And why have we come to a place in a world where we have to suspect a father traveling with his adolescent daughter…
Decriminalize vs. Legalize
I was able to go to the Soularize Conference in the Bahamas this last October. One of the speakers was Rita Nakashima Brock. She was co-author of a great book I read for one of my courses “Casting Stones”. I contacted her after the conference to get some resources. She said to me that after working with prostitutes and doing her research overseas she strongly believes that prostitution should not be legalized but SHOULD be decriminalized.
I have to say that the more I study here at Fuller, the more I work with the After Hours Ministry and the more I research prostitution I agree with Dr. Brock. This is still something I am very much thinking through and processing…but travel with me a bit.
Legalization: to make legal; authorize
Those that legalize prostitution (and yes, there are some places that do) “do so by giving the state control over the lives and businesses of those who work as prostitutes. Legalization often includes special taxes for prostitutes, restricting prostitutes to working in brothels or in certain zones, licenses, registration of prostitutes and government records of individual prostitutes, and health checks, which often means punitive quarantine. The term legalization does not necessarily have to refer to the above sorts of regulations. In fact, in one commonly accepted definition of legalization, legal can simply mean that prostitution is not against the law.” [quoted from this website] And this is not what we want. Prostitution should still be against the law – it just should not be a criminal act.
Decriminalize: to eliminate criminal penalties for or remove legal restrictions against (typically referring to consenting adult sexual activity)
While there are many reasons one gets into prostitution and many reasons one stays, I don’t think that putting these men and women in jail is ever really the answer. The times I have spoken with my girls after they have been in jail for a couple of weeks for getting picked up for prostitution I see no real effect the jailing had on them (other than pissing them off and making them annoyed). And to be real frank, I think it is the John’s that need to be put in jail if we are going to send anyone there. The laws that are currently in place for prostitution are reaching the “branch” problems – and we need to get to the root. Our laws are affecting the women involved while the men who are customers reap no consequences.
The criminalization of prostitution also makes it very difficult for these women to seek help or report violent actions against themselves to the police. If they report anything they can be charged or put in jail because of the actions that caused the crime against them. Several women I work with would be fearful of loosing custody of their child or losing status with the family and friends.
There is a website that makes a compelling argument “why prostitution should not ever be legalized” but you will notice that they use the two words legalization and decriminalization interchangeably. I think that is where the confusion and danger comes in. Legalization is not the same as decriminalization and until we have a clear understanding of what we mean by the word and what we are truly trying to accomplish – we’ll only get frustrated and step on each other’s toes.
And lastly, here is an article that I think is really compelling (which is for decriminalization) written by Wendy McElroy.
I have to say that the more I study here at Fuller, the more I work with the After Hours Ministry and the more I research prostitution I agree with Dr. Brock. This is still something I am very much thinking through and processing…but travel with me a bit.
Legalization: to make legal; authorize
Those that legalize prostitution (and yes, there are some places that do) “do so by giving the state control over the lives and businesses of those who work as prostitutes. Legalization often includes special taxes for prostitutes, restricting prostitutes to working in brothels or in certain zones, licenses, registration of prostitutes and government records of individual prostitutes, and health checks, which often means punitive quarantine. The term legalization does not necessarily have to refer to the above sorts of regulations. In fact, in one commonly accepted definition of legalization, legal can simply mean that prostitution is not against the law.” [quoted from this website] And this is not what we want. Prostitution should still be against the law – it just should not be a criminal act.
Decriminalize: to eliminate criminal penalties for or remove legal restrictions against (typically referring to consenting adult sexual activity)
While there are many reasons one gets into prostitution and many reasons one stays, I don’t think that putting these men and women in jail is ever really the answer. The times I have spoken with my girls after they have been in jail for a couple of weeks for getting picked up for prostitution I see no real effect the jailing had on them (other than pissing them off and making them annoyed). And to be real frank, I think it is the John’s that need to be put in jail if we are going to send anyone there. The laws that are currently in place for prostitution are reaching the “branch” problems – and we need to get to the root. Our laws are affecting the women involved while the men who are customers reap no consequences.
The criminalization of prostitution also makes it very difficult for these women to seek help or report violent actions against themselves to the police. If they report anything they can be charged or put in jail because of the actions that caused the crime against them. Several women I work with would be fearful of loosing custody of their child or losing status with the family and friends.
There is a website that makes a compelling argument “why prostitution should not ever be legalized” but you will notice that they use the two words legalization and decriminalization interchangeably. I think that is where the confusion and danger comes in. Legalization is not the same as decriminalization and until we have a clear understanding of what we mean by the word and what we are truly trying to accomplish – we’ll only get frustrated and step on each other’s toes.
And lastly, here is an article that I think is really compelling (which is for decriminalization) written by Wendy McElroy.
The Great Need
Scotty Brown - the founder of Peak Performance, 212 Degrees, had some great thoughts on Nepal and the great need there - I thought they were worth sharing with you all. He just spent the month of January in Nepal. Part of the time was with Peak Performance taking a group of students trekking in the Annapurna Region of the Himalayans. After the team left he wrapped up for a bit on his own.
He says,
"This past week i went to a couple homes of the kids i have been working with here in the streets at night. Some are begging for food, rice for their family and some just want to see if they can get you to buy them a candy bar. But two in particular are begging to have someone pay for them to go to school!! So i have gone and met with the families of these kids only to find that they both live in houses that are maybe 12×12 with 6 kids and one parent. Both families are without dads. One died of a heart attack, the other had a drinking problem and ran away with another woman. Neither mom has any sort of education and cannot afford to send all the kids to school on the money that she makes doing laundry by hand for a local hotel. i brought them enough rice for several weeks and will meet with the principal of the school to see about paying the $15 a month it would take to get them through this next semester. My struggle comes with the fact that once again i find myself meeting a need, but doing very little to eliminate a need. How can i effectively share the love of Jesus Christ and the hope that i know comes from having a relationship with Him to someone who cannot even afford enough rice to feed her children. i do believe that i was the hands of Jesus when i came and left the rice with them family, and i could tell from the smiles and the conversations with the mothers each day that i came that they were appreciative. i just hope beyond hope that they know that Jesus wants to give them so much more. This is the story of soooo many kids. i guess i am working through some of my own “guilt” and need to remind myself of the same truth that i shared with my team. God will complete what we can’t, He knew i was leaving and is bigger than me. He will continue to do the work here in Nepal long after i am gone."
Powerful words - and very true ones. Sometimes the need seems so great - and we feel powerless to do anything about it. Thanks for the encouragement, Scotty. And thanks for introducing me to Nepal and growing the passion in my heart that I have for it. I Love You.
He says,
"This past week i went to a couple homes of the kids i have been working with here in the streets at night. Some are begging for food, rice for their family and some just want to see if they can get you to buy them a candy bar. But two in particular are begging to have someone pay for them to go to school!! So i have gone and met with the families of these kids only to find that they both live in houses that are maybe 12×12 with 6 kids and one parent. Both families are without dads. One died of a heart attack, the other had a drinking problem and ran away with another woman. Neither mom has any sort of education and cannot afford to send all the kids to school on the money that she makes doing laundry by hand for a local hotel. i brought them enough rice for several weeks and will meet with the principal of the school to see about paying the $15 a month it would take to get them through this next semester. My struggle comes with the fact that once again i find myself meeting a need, but doing very little to eliminate a need. How can i effectively share the love of Jesus Christ and the hope that i know comes from having a relationship with Him to someone who cannot even afford enough rice to feed her children. i do believe that i was the hands of Jesus when i came and left the rice with them family, and i could tell from the smiles and the conversations with the mothers each day that i came that they were appreciative. i just hope beyond hope that they know that Jesus wants to give them so much more. This is the story of soooo many kids. i guess i am working through some of my own “guilt” and need to remind myself of the same truth that i shared with my team. God will complete what we can’t, He knew i was leaving and is bigger than me. He will continue to do the work here in Nepal long after i am gone."
Powerful words - and very true ones. Sometimes the need seems so great - and we feel powerless to do anything about it. Thanks for the encouragement, Scotty. And thanks for introducing me to Nepal and growing the passion in my heart that I have for it. I Love You.
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